Srsly, the last 2 governors are either in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison or on their way. Some argue that the politicians will pull their head out of their ass and work to fix the goddamned roads that are getting ruts and bridges that look really sturdy. We first need to reclaim the money that Blago blew on hair gel. After all this crap, don't you feel better at night knowing that someone from this state is in charge of the free world?
Illinois is fucking flat. We're talking Itty Bitty Titty Committee here. Part of the driftless zone is in the Northwest corner, resulting in roads that were built to go straight up and down, Wile E. Coyote style. Southern Illinois has oil wells and coal mines , while Northern Illinois is full of nuclear plants and wind farms.
Rockford: Once a major manufacturer of power tools , those jobs went overseas , and now the city is infested with blacks and Mexicans. Pretty much everything in Rockford is made out of concrete. Brick building? Steel Girder Bridge? Your Mom? There is a river that is not made out of concrete, but it doesn't appear to be made out of water either. The next day the entire city was built by Mike Ditka. The area became filled by Irish , Italian , and Polish immigrants.
In fact, the nearby states of Wisconsin and Indiana were soon completely incorporated as suburbs of Chicagoland. At some point a lolcow knocked a lamp over, burning down the entire city.
It could have been easily stopped but everyone was on a union break. The entire city was rebuilt in three days by Mike Ditka who then ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. Jesus got the boot. Chicago police have a proud upstanding history of beating the ever living fuck out of anything un-mustached, moving or not. Interestingly enough, the Chicago Police are completely uncontrolled by the city government and act as more of a mercenary gang, plundering and ticketing as they see fit.
Official policy is as follows: "Fuck you. Another interesting note is that North Chicago has a Naval base where the Navy boot camp is located, where thousands of patriotic young men endure rough training to become full-fledged Sailors.
Srsly, Chicago, a fucking city located on a fucking state in the mid-fucking-west, miles away from an actual ocean, has a fucking Navy base. Early s : Republican Gov 'Big Jim' Thompson comes to power, has repeated pool parties with tons of 20 year old guys and gets his dick sucked by them then pounds them in the ass.
Mike Madigan becomes Speaker of the House. Angelo 'Skip' Saviano, gets elected as a Republican to the statehouse. Skip challenges Madigan to a showdown in his first month in office and somehow wins, no one knows what happens here besides hilarious mob shit going down, Skip becomes the only Republican in the history of illinois to be a chairman of a committee while being in the minority party, and also gets his two best buds the same benefits extra pay for this.
Republicans lose the Senate for good in ' In the state is redistricted. Democrats are smart-they don't seal their envelope fully, so White reaches in, feels for the envelope that he knows isn't correctly sealed, draws it out, Dems get their map and lock in control due to gerrymandering.
Republicans don't realize this until about 30 minutes later,woops. Blago is incapable of working with Dem legislators and keeps betraying promises, eventually resulting in Dems requiring Blago to sign written promises they make so they can use the written documents against him when he reneges. It later becomes apparent Mike Madigan is setting up Blago for a fall so Lisa can become gov, partly due to Blago's incompetence.
Blago knocks up his secretary in ', causing his father in law Dick Mell who is super powerful in Chicago to freak out in the press, but he can't say specifically what happened, so there's like 6 months of newspaper stories about landfills and cronyism that makes no sense until you realize it's because Blago is cheating on his wife and daddy is super mad.
Also in 'ish, Mike raids the general pension fund to help the budget, creates massive shortfalls but no one notices because they won't hit for a few decades. Pat Quinn takes over, the same guy who fucked things up in when he did a 'putback' amendment that did a few specific things with election laws-a byproduct of which is that Mike Madigan is one of three Speakers in IL history to server more than 6 years-the other two served 8, Madigan is in his 26th year. Shortly after taking office, Mayor Rahm Emanuel spilled grape juice all over a polar bear pelt he received as a parting gift from an Eskimo prostitute he once hired.
He proceeded to take his anger out on the people by ordering all Chicago sports teams to have their best player be injured at some point during the following season, before they win anything worth giving a fuck about.
The World's largest phallic object also known as the Chicago Spire Was supposed to be the biggest and most beautiful penis ever built. It would have been erected over 9, miles into the sky, thus becoming the tallest building in America and the 87th tallest building in the world. It would have officially replaced Florida as America's penis, and proved to the world that Chicago really is trying to compensate for some thing.
The government was displeased by my -A in math, so I needed to eat my mom to survive. The People's Republic of China is not an inheritor of previous dynasties which were created by foreign barbarians. Despite that, the Chinese Communist Party led by Mao still managed to conquer the two countries of Tibet.
Adding to the humiliation is the fact that China was a mainly aggrarian country when said countries were conquered. Starting in , the Chinese started dying from famine on a massive scale.
One of the consequence is that there are few to no pets in China. Despite what some retards say, cats and dogs are just food there. One more reason why the Chinese found a way to make just about anything digestible. It is estimated that over 30 million people died. The famine was ended in by Mao Zedong importing grain from the capitalist countries and making a law that every Chinese can have a handful of rice per day, thus, thwarting evolution. The centuries of foreign rule over China means many inventions and achievements were made possible thanks to their foreign overlords.
Were it not for their generous intervention, they'd still be living in igloos and hunting jellyfish. Actually, they discovered and invented a lot of cool things like paper, the printing press, silk, compasses, and most importantly gunpowder BUT the Arabs were smart enough to burrow these inventions from the Chinese. They then assraped China at the Battle of Talas in Then the Arabs converted the entire Central Asia to Islam and screwed China's plans at raping the shit out of the place.
Then during the Crusades, the Europeans lived the raping shit out of the ME and stole the inventions from the Arabs.
Thus the "barbarian" Europeans eventually harnessed and improve on those originally Chinese inventions to pwn the living shit out ofthe whole world during the age of Imperialism. ROR At least hundred years ago, the Great Wall was built to stave off invading drug lords. It never actually worked, because the drug lords simply bribed the gatekeepers. They killed them too when they came through. On the other hand, ordering that a great wall be built has turned out to be a very effective form of population control , as it is estimated that millions of people died constructing the wall over the span of thousands of years and several dynasties.
On a side note, anyone who believes the myth that a foot wide dirt colored wall can be seen from space is fucking retarded. See: FACT. At any rate, now we know what to say when wandering around a dark room.
In the latter half of the 20th Century, China has had good relations with its neighboring country, Japan. In fact, whenever you meet a Chinese person, repeatedly refer to them as Japanese. This will ensure your ability to make many Chinese e-pals. Inexplicably, the Chinese also get extremely offended when they are mistaken for Taiwanese, which, technicly, they are. To demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of their culture , always be sure to tell them you are aware that Mexico is NOT part of China and is in fact an entirely different country.
Deng Xiaoping, China's version of Reagan , was inscrutable. Was he a stalwart Communist or Capitalist reformer? Did he hate our freedom like all Communist Capitalists , or did he love money like a Jew? Last Thursday , China embarked on a monumental project to protect its citizens from the evils of the internets. Called the Golden Shield project, every communication is routed through a government firewall , where it is blocked if it attempts to connect to a site banned in China.
Naturally, it works just as well as the last Great Wall. There have been countless atrocities throughout history many ignored which we can learn from but whenever you're talking a chink you'll be sure to have this mentioned.
Hilariously enough many of histories atrocities were committed notoriously by the Chinese themselves including cruel Chinese emperors, Chinese imperial expansionism, Lingchi:death by a cuts, violent cultural revolutions, Chinese gulags, artificial famines, mass genocide by Mao Zedong, invading and plundering Africa and Latin America, etc..
The list could go on forever Instead of learning from Unit as a humbling experience for china to never be belligerent again. China became worse and more aggressive, now china had a reason to adopt a victim mentality while others who have been persecuted move on furthering their agenda for imperialism and world domination covertly. Unit was a epic underground complex full of sekret stuffs , and if you don't know what it is you should probably Google it, because its full of epic win and CP , but to sum it up It was responsible for some of the most hilarious war crimes carried out by Japanese personnel, including the killing of thousands of logs.
There is some question to whether UNIT was an actual event or not many times throughout history we hear a one sided story mainly told by the victors of wars and China during WW2 was part of the allied powers.
Many in Japan call into question UNIT as an actual event because China is known for its dubious claims especially about history. Interestingly enough many Koreans joined the Japanese when they invaded china. The Chinese are known for propaganda especially the Chinese cinema which is very famous in continent of asia and in the United States because Chinks have infested Hollywood. While the Chinese government is surprisingly non-religious , those who are religious must adhere to one of the state-sanctioned religions , such as Buddhism , Taoism, Confucianism, or Christianity and even they are imprisoned sometimes.
Although things are looking to change as religion is now flourishing in china. According to John Lennon , If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone anyhow. This is mainly directed at Blacks , especially the Negro equivalent of the Mexican , the Curry nigger..
However, in all circumstances this racist rage can boil over and be directed towards anyone, especially other Chinese. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, from being admonished for tipping to throwing yourself in front of cabs otherwise the don't stop for Whitey. The average Chinese street is piled with the dead bodies of pedestrians who couldn't look both ways before crossing the street because in China that's how you yield right of way.
They have most likely created your shoes, braces, computers, houses, electronics and food. The average sweatshop laborer receives a maximum of ten grains of rice per day. The Chinese think that having a daughter is very unfortunate, which is obviously wrong.
When Obama went to China to discuss the issues the people were facing, all they could think about was the fact that he had two daughters in a row. However, all of this is untrue. To easily sum up most oriental foods, if its incredibly disgusting, rare, or endangered, they will consume it in mass quantities. One must travel to China to find true, authentic Chinese food. Feast on such mouth-watering delicacies as:. The Chinese, enamored to the magical delicacy of American invented Slurpees , have allowed Western convenience stores to infiltrate the shit hole province of Guangzhou and it's Specially Economical Zone of Shenzhen.
Last Thursday , thousands of s sprouted up in all sizes from kiosk to full size store. Chinese eat Baby Soup to increase overall health, stamina and the power of sexual performance. Chinese medicine is based around the notion of Chi, which is complete bullshit on the order of the four humours of ancient Greek medicine. Simply wrong. Although they have some rudimentary knowledge of anatomy, it's garbled by the fact that the sole concern of Chinese medicine is the smallness of Chinese penises.
For instance, Chinese medicine is certain that the kidneys have something to do with sex. This is what is going on when the Chinese doctor or apothecary suggests something to "strengthen the kidney". They are not talking about urinary function. With the exception of acupuncture and hanging weights off your cock, Chinese medicine consists of eating, drinking, or probably snorting anything even vaguely penis-shaped or somehow related to penises in the hopes of getting a boner.
Tigers are being driven extinct by the market for tiger-penis soup. Rhinoceroses are being driven extinct by the market for powdered rhino horn. Priceless dinosaur fossils are ground to powder and sold as "dragon bone". And it's all because the Chinese can't get it up, and when they do it's disappointing. Chinks eat fucking everything as a delicacy. Especially human dong. The ancient Chinese proverb "Ching chong ding dong" from the Hai Chang roughly translates to "Dirty Chinaman chew this penis.
Every animal penis and every animal part is used as "medicine" in China. The Chinese alone keep every poacher in business worldwide. Shark fin. Rhino horn. Tiger balls. Zebra penis. Kangaroo pouch. Platypus nostrils. Orangutan fingernails. Panda liver.
Porcupine lymph nodes. Elephant thyroid. Musk ox pancreas. Lion ovaries. Cheetah tear ducts. Slug semen. Electric eel stomach. Jellyfish testicles. Melamine is another delicacy in China and they always use it in place of wheat, rice, corn, soy, milk, and baby formula.
Make kidney strong like bull! Every museum worker at the Icelandic Phallological Museum quakes in fear when they see Chinese tourists approaching. As a result, the Icelandic Phallological Museum has become one of the world's foremost experts on the Chinese language simply as a means of survival and continuity of operations.
Plaques with pictograms meaning "do not eat penis" have also been permanently affixed in the museum. Some very rare penises are kept in a fortified basement vault with armed guards. The Iceland penis museum has considered banning all Chinese visitors, but since gooks are their major source of ticket revenue it's a catch The Icelandic military's sole mission is to protect their national penis museum from Chinese tourists.
There have been multiple extinction events in the history of life on Earth, but none has been as devastating as The Chinese. China is currently Zerg rushing all land and sea animals and bioconverting them into slanteyes. For the Chinese, seeing any eyeball on another living thing that isn't constantly squinting is deeply offensive and drives their murderousness.
Quite often, the Chinese instinct to violently kill everything with eyes is expressed as elementary school knife massacres, subway gas attacks, VTEC , and supreme gentlemen. If you're ever walking on a beach and see some monstrous horror washed up, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China. Placenta lasagna? Made in China. Fetus stew? Penis dumplings? Spaghetti and testicles? This no game Daniel-san, this for real.
Morality in China is no different from other godless ex-commie countries like Russia.
0コメント